Waiting

I am not a patient person.  I don’t think people realize that about me.  People tell me I seem so calm and they don’t realize I am churning under the surface.  The last few years have been a test of my patience.  It has felt like the time to achieve all my dreams was diminishing and all the things getting in the way of me achieving those dreams were increasing.  My mother had a stroke 5 years ago and that set me off my axis.  Perhaps not as much as it has her; but I have certainly felt the repercussions.  My children have had issues, as all children do.  And those issues have pushed my buttons, as issues do.  My life hasn’t been looking the way I thought it would by now (I’m sure I’m not alone).  And I turned 40 (gasp!).  I was surprised by how great an effect this birthday had on me.  I don’t tend to get caught up in birthdays but this one felt big. 

All of those things are normal life stuff but I felt like I was drowning.  And me a therapist!!  I felt as though I should have had it all together.  I was frustrated because meditation wasn’t ‘working’.  I sought help for myself and my kids for our various issues but that only brought up more demons.  I was doing my best to do the best things under the circumstances but none of it was making me feel any better. 

I think my situation is only one example of a phenomenon that I believe is increasingly more common with our society of quick-fixes.  We aren’t good at waiting.  Waiting is hard.  Waiting is uncomfortable.  We don’t have time to wait.  And yet the waiting is where growth happens. 

Often my clients come to see me and want to feel better right away.  They don’t want to feel the pain anymore.  They want to get on with their lives.  And they will.  But it takes time.  That is a tough pill to swallow.  Especially if they have been suffering for some time.  However, there is not usually a quick fix.  If life has taken them to this point, it will take some time to undo the knots they find themselves in.  Even working really hard to untie those knots isn’t the entire answer.  Part of the answer is time itself. 

That is not to say that doing nothing will achieve the desired result.  What we do while we wait is important – even if it isn’t the entire answer.  Seeking help, taking care of ourselves, and listening to what our hearts tell us are all important as well.  When the universe requires us to slow down and pay attention it is usually trying to tell us something. 

I don’t like those messages from the universe.  I prefer the messages that look something like a new car, my business expanding, my investments going up in value.  But it seems we have to take the good with the bad.  And sometimes what feels like ‘the bad’ at the time, turns out to be ‘the good’ in the long run. 

Waiting is hard business.  Growth is hard business.  But what we do during those times, the lessons we learn through those times and not rushing our way through are what make us who we become. 

It has taken me some time to feel like I’m back on my feet.  And as much as I’ve hated most of it, some wonderful things have happened as well.  Time will tell what I’ve learned from the process and in the meantime I hope to keep taking care of myself, listening to my heart and seeking help when I need it.