To Shrink or Not to Shrink?

Maybe it’s the people I socialize with, but whenever I tell someone I’m a therapist, the conversation stops dead.  For a long time I took this personally, like they must think I have the most loserish profession in the world and they wouldn’t be caught doing it in a million years.  Then I mentioned this phenomenon to a close friend of mine, saying I felt like a social pariah.  She corrected me, saying that people are just terrified that I’m shrinking their heads while I’m talking to them so they’re afraid to say anything. 

Well, I’m here to tell you, I’m not shrinking your head, either at a party or in my office in a session.  Unless you share your deep, dark secrets with me, I don’t have x-ray vision.  I understand that admitting to parts of yourself that you’re not all that happy with is uncomfortable.  It leaves a person feeling exposed.  Of course you would be afraid of being judged for things that you feel don’t show you in the best light.  I’m here to say that I’m not there to judge.  We all have secrets – things we don’t like about ourselves and how we conduct ourselves in the world and in our relationships.  My job is to help you shine a light on these dark corners and realize that there are things you can do to change or accept these parts.  Sometimes shining that light is all it takes to make you realize that the things you have been so afraid of really aren’t that scary. 

So then – if the point of therapy is to talk about stuff that makes you uncomfortable so you can address it in someway – how is that different than just talking to a good friend about the same issues?

Firstly, who will give you a whole hour to listen to you tell your story?  How many times when you’ve been listening to a friend talk, have you been so excited to give your opinion or tell your story that you aren’t really hearing what the other person has to say?  I am there to listen to you.  A large part of what I do is listen.  My focus for that hour is you and your world.  Hearing your story allows me to help you brainstorm some possibilities for your predicament.  Elements of your story will highlight certain of your strengths.  Another aspect of what I do is help identify the strengths that will assist you in dealing with your situation.

You know yourself best.  I believe you have the tools to resolve whatever issues are troubling you.  Why ask for help? Because often the demands of life become overwhelming and it is hard to tease apart the important from unimportant details.  It feels like obstacles are everywhere.  Some obstacles are obvious.  Others are more discreet.  I will help you with sifting out important from unimportant details.  I will help you with naming and addressing obstacles that impede your progress.  You will be able to prioritize and tackle issues in order of importance. 

Non-judgmental listening, identifying your strengths, sifting through your story and brainstorming.  Those are some of the ways I will help you.  So if we meet in my office or at a party, I am not shrinking your head.  But given my personality, interests, and education I am interested in you, warts and all.  I want to hear your story.